the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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