I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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