He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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