Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
