I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
