Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
