saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
