ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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