You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
