im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He passed out mid-signature
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
