I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
