you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
