I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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