Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
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i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
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donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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