You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
