I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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