Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
