the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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