i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
