If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Randomize
