You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Randomize
