As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
