I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
