We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize