Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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