The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
