Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
