On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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