I'm sorry my penis didn't work
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
