I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
