I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
