I think I died a long time ago.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
