but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
