K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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