Where did you get a picture of my penis
she smelled like a LAN party
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
