Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize