My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.