a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Banned from zoo.
Again?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize