i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
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