Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
