I wanna eat
then eat your cupcake
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I need a beard to bite.