i wish my penis had a tongue
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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