I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
