So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
