I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
i out mim tonsoeep
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