Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
