Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
