I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
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