I'm drive I can fine osifer
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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