someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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