I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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