I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
