but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
