you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
