I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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