God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Randomize
