Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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