Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
