he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
