So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Send help, water and tortillas.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
