I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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