You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
