Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
