I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
