Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
it hurts more in the daytime
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
