I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
The best revenge is premature balding
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
