if i can run in heels then i can drive
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
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