Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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