Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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