We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
