Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
