Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
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he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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