i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
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Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
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You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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