I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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