i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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