im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Someone signed my nipple.
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