Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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