i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
i think i just lost a toe
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