perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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