if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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