yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
